Small Midwestern Town Holds Annual Gay Shame Parade

Date: 11-Aug-2007

A tight-knit town in America's Bible Belt has celebrated it's Annual Gay Shame Parade. Police cars, fire trucks and farm equipment draped in red-white-and-blue banners that read Burn in the Eternal Flames of Hell! and so on rolled down the main street of Grand Plains, Nebraska, just as they have done every year since 1977, when the townsfolk first became aware of the existence of homosexuality.

City Councilman Fred Brandeen entertained children by making mock finger-wagging gestures of admonishment and passing out buttons bearing the parade's traditional slogan: NO! Members of the Grand Plains Area Wives Association followed behind with a 15-foot hand-sewn banner which read: GPAWA and Jerry's Cringe To Think What You're Putting Your Family Through.

Frank Mitchell, Grand Plains Mayor, was thrilled with the turnout. "Every year, the whole town turns out to enjoy Nebraska's famous summer sunshine, sample foods, browse the craft bazaar, and shame homosexuals for their repulsive, decadent behavior," he said.

"To see a whole community rally together like this around a good cause—it's really an inspiration," said Ellen Lundblom, a mother of four enjoying the festivities with her youngest son, first-time reveler Timmy, 3. "If I were a lesbian, this would have really made me feel awful about myself."

"My favorite part was the balloons," Timmy said. "They had all different colors of angry frowny-faces on them."

After the last bit of confetti fell, spectators praised the parade's highlights, including a float, that depicts a mother sitting alone with her head down on a kitchen table, crying. The first-place ribbon went to "Sodom and Gomorrah," a miniature version of the two Biblical cities engulfed in flames. The float's designer, McPhee's Department Store window dresser Bruce Carlson, was not able to accept his prize, however, as he was away visiting an aunt in Lawrence, Kansas for the weekend.

Despite the pageantry, parade organizers stressed that the event has a serious message.

"Everyone loves a parade," PTA chairwoman Agatha Buell said. "But it's about a lot more than the clowns, the decorations, and those Shriner fellows in their tiny cars. It's about making folks feel sickened by the deviant homosexual lifestyle, like God wants us to." (PS: This is a joke!)